Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss not having that person.

The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, "Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome."

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

I don't know anything about computers.