I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why.

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.