I don't know anything about computers.

Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, "Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome."

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.