When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing.

If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.

I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it's not a great way to go.