Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

Life is just the time between crapping yourself.