I've always liked older ladies. I'm comfortable with it. They seem to be nice. They've seen it all.

If a girl breaks up with me, I want her to just die, just be dead. Not 'cause I hate her so much as it's just easier for when my friends go, 'Hey, what happened?' 'Oh, she's dead. I'd still be with her, but she's dead. What can I do? She was loving me, but she's dead.'

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

I've always wanted to do a family movie.

I had my moments of being humiliated, and then I had moments of doing something humiliating. I'm glad I lived out both roles.