I think the reason I don't read is because, when I'm reading, I feel like I'm missing out on something else. You know, What are my friends doing? Where's my girlfriend?

I've always had lots of friends and my house was the house they all hung out at.

I grew up in a house that liked to be funny. Everybody liked to be funny. My family's been...we've been enjoying each other's comedy for years.

In high school I wanted to be a rock star and was in a lot of bands.

Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.

My comedy is different every time I do it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Some of us will never ever find true love. Take, for instance me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine.