Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights

I do love the films I've done in the past. I work hard in my movies and my friends work hard and we're trying to make people laugh and I'm very proud of that.

If a girl breaks up with me, I want her to just die, just be dead. Not 'cause I hate her so much as it's just easier for when my friends go, 'Hey, what happened?' 'Oh, she's dead. I'd still be with her, but she's dead. What can I do? She was loving me, but she's dead.'

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

I do feel good doing them [family-friendly movies], but it's not going to be my way of life. I'm a comedian.

Comedy, such a lovely lady, she'll pick you up, you your feeling blue.

My comedy is different every time I do it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.