How do I speak Spanish? Not too well. Paz taught me a few words that, if people weren't nice to me, I could tell them a few things. I got to study with [chef] Thomas Keller, who we all love as a guy and Jim had a relationship with him at [his restaurant] the French Laundry.

My father used to wear the same pants for like a week.

I've always just had troubles with my family because I'm psychotic. It had nothing to do with that.

When I take my kid to school, all the parents stop and stare.

Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.

When I do stand-up shows at colleges, girls will talk to me after the show, and that always feels good. I like talking to them.

I don't laugh at me. I used to. I used to get the giggles when I'd see myself. But now, I see myself onscreen, and I sure don't laugh.