My father used to wear the same pants for like a week.

A lot of critics object to what I do, but I got into comedy to make people laugh, and I've always worked hard.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

I grew up cursing a lot.

The only reason I got into stand-up was because my brother told me to. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I was 17 and my brother went to a comedy club and he said - you can do that.

Some of us will never ever find true love. Take, for instance me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine.

I don't know what drives me to succeed. I know I want to always do the best I can.I guess I was maybe in little league baseball as far as I wanted to be good at that. But school, I certainly wasn't the best at that.