It always seems that people who bring nothing to the table take the most from it.

There's something great about terrible westerns. They look like gay dancers and bad, overwrought dialogue and overacting, black and white sped up horses.

You are not special. There is no plan for you. Nothing happens for a reason. Just try not to die and shut up.

If you say you had a zen moment, you already didn't.

Hearing the faraway sounds of children at recess makes me understand that I am no longer life's main character.

When I make fun of you, I strike just the right note. When you make fun of me, you're an incredibly ungrateful asshole and you know why.

The internet makes everything not enough.