Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
Andy BorowitzNow that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
Andy BorowitzIt would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy BorowitzWe invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
Andy Borowitz