You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.

To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.

The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.

Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.