If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.

US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.

It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.

We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.

Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.