I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.

Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.