Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
Andy BorowitzJohn Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
Andy BorowitzA Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.
Andy BorowitzIf its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
Andy Borowitz