Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
Andy BorowitzUS Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
Andy BorowitzIf Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
Andy BorowitzRick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
Andy Borowitz