You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
Andy BorowitzNHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
Andy BorowitzThe real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
Andy BorowitzLet's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
Andy Borowitz