Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.

Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.