Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.

Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.

Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them