Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.

We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.