You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
Andy BorowitzThe Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps; and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
Andy BorowitzDidn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
Andy BorowitzNext time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
Andy Borowitz