Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.

Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.

As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.

Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.

Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.

The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.

A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.