Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"
Andy BorowitzWe invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
Andy BorowitzIt would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy BorowitzGive a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
Andy Borowitz