Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"

Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.

Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.

The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps; and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.