The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
Andy BorowitzWeirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
Andy BorowitzIf Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
Andy Borowitz