We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.

Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.

Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.