You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
Andy BorowitzI make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
Andy BorowitzA Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.
Andy BorowitzIf its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
Andy Borowitz