You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
Andy BorowitzNow that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
Andy BorowitzThanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
Andy BorowitzAll Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.
Andy Borowitz