I've learned... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

One day about 10 years ago the door to my office opened and who walked in but Bill Gates.... Seemed like a nice guy and has done more with his money than most billionaires. But that's as far as I want to go being kind to Bill Gates.

I'd like to take some calculus, too. I have absolutely no ability in that direction and not much interest, either, but there's something going on in mathematics that I don't understand, and I'd like to find out what it is.

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated.

I've learned... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.