The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.

Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.

I am not retiring. Writers don't retire. Writers never stop writing.

A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don't know what they are talking about.

In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.

No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.