My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

Great teachers are usually a little crazy.

Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.

We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.

I hate to say it, but I had a great time in World War II.

My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.

Creativity is a by-product of hard work. If I never have another really new idea, it won't matter.