My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

It's best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

We aren't consistent in our treatment of animals.

Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.