One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.

I've learned... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.

The teacher who knows the most about a subject isn't necessarily the one who can teach it best.

I am an atheist... I don't understand religion at all. I'm sure I'll offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think it's all nonsense.

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?". She doesn't care what you think.

I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.