The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?

Creativity is a by-product of hard work. If I never have another really new idea, it won't matter.

I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.

I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.

Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.

All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don't know what they're talking about.