I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.

The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.

Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.

I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way.

Let's face it, though, anything that's apt to happen to an appliance like a blender isn't covered by the warranty anyway, so I never send them in. If it breaks, I'll buy a new one. That's the American way.