I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned ... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable

Numbers are the most certain things we have.

I like animals who trust people.

Let's face it, though, anything that's apt to happen to an appliance like a blender isn't covered by the warranty anyway, so I never send them in. If it breaks, I'll buy a new one. That's the American way.