I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable

The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.

I'm always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.

I've learned... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.