I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about, I can't complain about my life.

One of the things we can be sure of over the July 4th weekend is that news reports will keep telling us how many of us are going to die in automobile accidents.

My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That's the way to get an idea.

I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.

It is possible to be dumb and be a college president.

I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.