Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.

The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.

There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.