There's nothing people like better than being asked an easy question. For some reason, we're flattered when a stranger asks us where Maple Street is in our hometown and we can tell him.

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

One of the things we can be sure of over the July 4th weekend is that news reports will keep telling us how many of us are going to die in automobile accidents.

It isn't working that's so hard, it's getting ready to work.

New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.

In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.

Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.