Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.

You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.

Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.

It's ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a game—except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that's important.

New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.