Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.

By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable

When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.

The last birthday that's any good is 23.

One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.

The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.