I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.

There are sixteen cans of coffee here; together they hold a total of thirteen and a half pounds of coffee. Doesn't that seem like cheating?

Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.

Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.

I hate to say it, but I had a great time in World War II.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.