It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.

Don't keep saying, "I don't know where the time goes." It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is.

My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That's the way to get an idea.

Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.

I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.