I would never hit a woman - even if she had a knife or a stutter.

I don't think people shouldn't try to be edgy, but you have to take what the audience says to you in consideration.

What do they call that hat Jewish guys always wear? A Yankees cap.

I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'

I don't ever want to have kids of my own. But I do want a lot of kids.

God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.

Child molesters must all think they've got huge dicks.