Art Buchwald Quotes

If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.

Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?

I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.

I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.

Writers are funny about reviews: when they get a good one they ignore it-- but when they get a bad review they never forget it. Every writer I know is the same way: you get a hundred good reviews, and one bad, andyou remember only the bad. For years, you go on and fantasize about the reviewer who didn't like your book; you imagine him as a jerk, a wife-beater, a real ogre. And, in the meantime, the reviewer has forgotten all about the whole thing. But, twenty years later, the writer still remembers that one bad review.

War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.