Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.

Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.

When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy's stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the right time, 'cause no one was going to tolerate what he was saying anymore either.

If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.

The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.

But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.

Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose.