If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.

I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.

I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.

A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of years ago, A-Rod went to the hospital and promised a dying kid he'd ground out to second for him.

I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.

I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.

Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.