You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.

Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot.

Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.

I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust

I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is.

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.

Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.