You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.

I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.

I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.

Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot.

You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.

A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.

If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.