Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.

Whiskey will always be a part of my life.

By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long.

When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.

Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.

You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.

Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.