Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.

Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.

I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.

I have a bad gambling problem. You're not in show business for 12 years and dress like this without a bad gambling problem.

In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party.

And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.