Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.

Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.

A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.

I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.

When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.

Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.

It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.