I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.

I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.

I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.

I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.