For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer's kid's bar mitzvah.

'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.

The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.

I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.

If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.