When you did impressions on 'MADtv,' the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your character's catchphrases recorded on a loop. You'd wear this thing around during rehearsals and for a week listen to the voice you had to impersonate over and over again. It drove all of us crazy.

I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.

In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party.

I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.

I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.